


More Lams Angst

by Hamiltalian



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 08:57:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14931191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hamiltalian/pseuds/Hamiltalian
Summary: “ I’m dying. ”“ I don’t deserve to be loved. ”





	More Lams Angst

Wrong place, wrong time.

That’s all it was. John was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And, now, it was going to cost him his life. Life did always work funny that way. It felt like all happened in a matter of seconds, yet it felt like a lifetime. John was headed… Where was he going?.. Oh, right, he was just going to get some lunch. Then that guy pulled him into the alley, aiming a gun at him. John put his hands up and froze, paralyzed with fear.   

“Give me your money.”

He immediately complied, grabbing his wallet and giving it to him.

The thief looked inside of his wallet, only finding a few dollars and a driver’s license. Just enough money for him to get some lunch and go home. “That’s not it. Give me all of it.”

“That is all of it, I promise.”

“All right. You want to play games?” The guy asked as he took a step back and aimed the gun.

“That’s all I’ve got! I swear!”

“Wrong answer.” The guy shot and ran off, a few people screaming as they heard the shot. John cried out and clutched his stomach, falling to his knees. Okay.. This wasn’t so bad.

It was at least a minute before someone finally came to his side, kneeling down beside him. “Hey, how are you feeling?” he asked as he practically tore his jacket off, holding it tightly over John’s wound.

“Not too hot… Are you a doctor or something?”

“No, but I’m going to do my best to help you.” He pulled out his phone and called 911, doing his best to help John out.

“I’m feeling light headed…”

“Hey, hey. Stay with me. You’re going to be fine.”

John knew that was a lie. At the least, it was false hope. “I have to make a call…” He pulled out his own phone from his back pocket and wiped the blood from the screen before calling the only person he could think of, leaving a message when he didn’t answer. The second that it was done, John’s eyes fell shut.

“Dude?.. Dude, no!”

* * *

Alexander didn’t think much of the call at first. He was busy trying to keep his son’s party from getting too chaotic. What else could be expected from a bunch of four year-olds? He didn’t get a break for a good hour, sitting down and checking his phone when he did. John called him? That was weird. He hadn’t heard much from the guy since college, after marrying Eliza. Maybe he wanted to catch up. He smiled and listened to the message, his smile immediately fading.

“Hey, Alex.. I don’t know if you remember me, but it’s John, John Laurens. I just… There’s no easy way to put this… But… I’m dying. I really wanted to hear your voice before I do, but you must be busy with your family. So.. I’m just going to leave this message and get a few things off of my chest.” There was a pause as John took a deep breath. “I love you… I never stopped… I know we broke up a long time ago, but I never got over you. I could not die knowing that you wouldn’t know that. So, here we are. I know you might not care, I know you don’t feel the same way, but I needed to tell you and I hope you understand that. You were my best friend and the only person that I ever truly loved. I wish I could’ve said this to your face, but.. Things don’t always go as planned. Besides that, I just want to say.. To say goodbye… I’m yours forever, Alexander Ham-” He didn’t get the chance to finish before the machine cut off.

Alexander dropped his phone and let his head fall into his hands, tears streaming down his face. Of course he remembered John Laurens. His best friend since he moved to America at 16, his boyfriend since they started college, the pair only breaking up when Alexander met Elizabeth Schuyler. He did his best to pretend that the two events weren’t related, that he actually felt that he and John were better as friends, but that wasn’t it at all. Alexander was a broke teenager, barely scraping by and in no shape to be chasing dreams as big as his, and Eliza was his ticket out of that. It wasn’t like he was the only person ever to do it and he wasn’t going to be the last, but… Thanks to that choice, Alexander sacrificed something worth a lot more than his morals. He lost his John and he never realized just how big of a mistake that was. Not until that moment. He lost his John and he was never going to get a chance to see him again. And, for what? Some money? Skipping some saving up and applying for scholarships by marrying another woman for her wealth? Granted, he had grown to see Eliza as his wife and loved her and their children, but they didn’t compare to his feelings for John. Karma was truly a bitch. Alexander tossed John away for Eliza and Karma was there to make sure he knew it.

“Alexander, what’s wrong, honey?” Eliza asked as she sat beside her husband.

“My.. My friend, John Laurens.. He died this afternoon…”

“Oh, Alex.. I’m so sorry… Were the two of you close?” Alexander never thought it would be a good idea to tell her about anything between him and John, probably the only good decision he made.

“He was my best friend… He didn’t deserve to die…” Alexander muttered, before getting up and going inside. His best friend and his soulmate and he was gone forever. Alexander knew, he just knew, that John would still be in his arms, hell, that he’d still be alive, if he hadn’t just tossed away his love in order to pursue Eliza’s. “I don’t deserve to be loved…”

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone interested in commissioning me for one shots can email me at slashgashotaku@gmail.com for details.


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